Shrinkage

I've been really busy. The short version is, I lost 67 pounds. I don't have any pictures yet. I'm also working on a wildly new and difficult kind of music and I will certainly post the "reveal" here, when I'm able to make music in public this way. It's good.

Losing a ton of weight is strange. It's wonderful. It's scary. I'm at the tough spot where I have more to lose but I don't know how hard that will be, or what I'm willing to do. It's a good problem to have. There are other problems, too; little ones. There is always someone who doesn't feel comfortable with a newer me, and I have learned not to freak out about that. There are also people who suddenly notice me. I get jobs, promotions, friendly overtures of various flavors, and clerks and bartenders notice me more quickly when I wait for service. I'm not kidding. If I were in a city, cabs would stop quicker. This used to annoy me but now I just figure it's subconscious on everyone's part, mostly, and at least I'm on the happier end of whatever that is.

Weight is, has always been, huge in my life. The complicated web of anger and confusion that got me and kept me fat is so difficult to untangle, and very good therapy has helped me do this. I have some hope of keeping this weight off, but I'm not cocky about that. At all. My favorite thing is confidence, because if I can get this thing at least sort of understood / under control, I can do other things I'm scared of too.


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