Plea for Unity
Here's what I wrote about the church thing. I don't know if anyone will end up seeing it but it clarified things for me. I kept my name out of it, and if you see it here, then you'll know it's me. But almost nobody reads this blog so I'll probably stay anonymous, at least for a while.
Open Letter to my Church: a Plea for Unity
At the town hall meeting to discuss our pastor candidate last night, there was a lot of anger. Some are upset that the search team’s work was not universally applauded. Some are unhappy with the church’s stated position on the role of women, and some are afraid that position might be changed. Some weren’t happy with earlier committee decisions and have lost faith in how our church is governed.
We are deeply divided. Our conversations about a pastor candidate are an expression of our division, not the cause. Here’s a thought: maybe we’re not arguing about the pastor candidate. Maybe we’re arguing because we don’t know each other, we don’t trust each other, and we don’t know how to disagree.
Our church has a special diversity and I think we want to preserve it. Romans 14 acknowledges that there are disputable matters. I wish we could dispute and discuss among ourselves with love.
In order to do so, can we consider three things? First, we need to talk to each other more. I’m not trained in techniques for conflict resolution, but I’m pretty sure “not talking about it” isn’t one of them. It seems like the only time the whole church is called together, it’s because we have to decide something important. By then it’s too late for just talking and listening, don’t you think? By then it’s about us, and them, and who’s going to “win.”
Second, while unanimous consent to something is nice, we don’t need it to be unified. There are many who absolutely trust a committee or a person’s complete submission to God, but still hear a different answer from Him. We all pray. We all hear from God.
This means that there will be some among us who vote “no” on Sunday. But if this candidate is called, most of the “no” voters will put their hand to the plow on Monday and go forward with hope, just as the “yes” voters will. Can we trust each other that this is so?
Furthermore, the more comfortable we become with the idea that we can disagree and still be united, the stronger our unity will be. We know this from our marriages. God often puts opposites together, knowing that we will be united in love and a common purpose, even if we disagree on a million other things.
Finally, can we agree that “going to the Scriptures” about a certain issue doesn’t bring us to consensus? Most of us who feel strongly about the issue of women in leadership know every relevant passage by heart, along with the commentaries and sermons that we have encountered as we agonize over this question. Obviously Scripture is what we depend on, but we don’t all interpret Scripture the same way. This is difficult, frustrating, and sometimes scary. But if simply looking at a passage of Scripture answered a question universally, we would not have these disagreements.
Please, [church leaders]. Help us love each other better. Make us talk to each other. A lot. Maybe it’s town hall meetings, maybe there is another way to facilitate reconciliation and listening. There are people out there who do this kind of facilitating for a living and we need one of them. I think talking hasn’t always helped in the past because in the past we might have talked to change each other’s minds or to vote up or down on things.
What if we talked just to know the faces and the hearts behind the opinions, just to hear others’ stories? I think that would show respect and commitment to Christ’s bride, the church, and to each other. It may take a lot of conversations to help us remember that we are all brothers and sisters in Christ, and that we agree on the most important things. But our mission depends on it. Our community sees our bickering, and God does too, and I don’t know how we can bring joy to His heart, nor Christ to our county, if we don’t come together.
“so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.” (Rom. 12:5)
signed with love,
a church member
Open Letter to my Church: a Plea for Unity
At the town hall meeting to discuss our pastor candidate last night, there was a lot of anger. Some are upset that the search team’s work was not universally applauded. Some are unhappy with the church’s stated position on the role of women, and some are afraid that position might be changed. Some weren’t happy with earlier committee decisions and have lost faith in how our church is governed.
We are deeply divided. Our conversations about a pastor candidate are an expression of our division, not the cause. Here’s a thought: maybe we’re not arguing about the pastor candidate. Maybe we’re arguing because we don’t know each other, we don’t trust each other, and we don’t know how to disagree.
Our church has a special diversity and I think we want to preserve it. Romans 14 acknowledges that there are disputable matters. I wish we could dispute and discuss among ourselves with love.
In order to do so, can we consider three things? First, we need to talk to each other more. I’m not trained in techniques for conflict resolution, but I’m pretty sure “not talking about it” isn’t one of them. It seems like the only time the whole church is called together, it’s because we have to decide something important. By then it’s too late for just talking and listening, don’t you think? By then it’s about us, and them, and who’s going to “win.”
Second, while unanimous consent to something is nice, we don’t need it to be unified. There are many who absolutely trust a committee or a person’s complete submission to God, but still hear a different answer from Him. We all pray. We all hear from God.
This means that there will be some among us who vote “no” on Sunday. But if this candidate is called, most of the “no” voters will put their hand to the plow on Monday and go forward with hope, just as the “yes” voters will. Can we trust each other that this is so?
Furthermore, the more comfortable we become with the idea that we can disagree and still be united, the stronger our unity will be. We know this from our marriages. God often puts opposites together, knowing that we will be united in love and a common purpose, even if we disagree on a million other things.
Finally, can we agree that “going to the Scriptures” about a certain issue doesn’t bring us to consensus? Most of us who feel strongly about the issue of women in leadership know every relevant passage by heart, along with the commentaries and sermons that we have encountered as we agonize over this question. Obviously Scripture is what we depend on, but we don’t all interpret Scripture the same way. This is difficult, frustrating, and sometimes scary. But if simply looking at a passage of Scripture answered a question universally, we would not have these disagreements.
Please, [church leaders]. Help us love each other better. Make us talk to each other. A lot. Maybe it’s town hall meetings, maybe there is another way to facilitate reconciliation and listening. There are people out there who do this kind of facilitating for a living and we need one of them. I think talking hasn’t always helped in the past because in the past we might have talked to change each other’s minds or to vote up or down on things.
What if we talked just to know the faces and the hearts behind the opinions, just to hear others’ stories? I think that would show respect and commitment to Christ’s bride, the church, and to each other. It may take a lot of conversations to help us remember that we are all brothers and sisters in Christ, and that we agree on the most important things. But our mission depends on it. Our community sees our bickering, and God does too, and I don’t know how we can bring joy to His heart, nor Christ to our county, if we don’t come together.
“so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.” (Rom. 12:5)
signed with love,
a church member
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